I Love You Forever

"Goodnight," we whispered. But we all knew it wouldn't be.

And that was the night she died. 



Hospital waiting rooms look pretty much like I expected. A little bigger, actually, but pretty much the same. It was as horrible as I imagined it must be, too; only more real. More horrible. Because this time I wasn't putting myself in someone else's shoes. I was in those shoes. And those shoes.... hurt.

We got the call on Friday morning, and my mom took the kids and went to the hospital immediately. I couldn't go because I had to work.

Somehow, even though I really was worried, I didn't really think it was serious. I thought everything would be "ok." Everything always ends up being O.K., right?

Right.

And then Sunday after church, we got a text message from my Aunt. Things didn't look good. Originally we had planned to eat lunch, give Dad his Father's Day presents, and then head back down to the hospital to see Grandma. But instead we rushed through lunch and just glanced through the presents. It wasn't necessarily cheerful.

Everyone looked like they had been crying. Everyone in the waiting room, I mean.

"Do you want to see Grandma?" my Aunt asked me. Of course I did. So she took me to the room.

I will never forget how Grandma looked, although I wish with all my heart I could. And I won't describe the horror. Because that's when I realized. Everything was not ok. Everything was wrong.

And I cried.

She had had a heart attack. The paramedics had barely reached her in time to "revive" her. But it wasn't enough. There was too much damage done. Too much damage.....

We all knew what was going to happen, really. We still hoped. But we knew. Deep down.

It was Monday afternoon they took Grandma off the machines.

I will never eat ice cream cones at her house again. That's the only place I ever really have ice cream cones. At Grandma and Grandpa's house. And now I never will again.

Grandma was the centerpiece to the entire family. She really was. I never noticed that before, but it's true. She was everything. And now she's gone.

She missed my eighteenth birthday. She died five days before I turned eighteen. It was a sucky day. A really sucky day.

Grandma, I love you. I miss you.

I love you.


xx